If you’ve ever been in a serious relationship with anyone, you know disagreements are inevitable. For some reason you can’t quite comprehend, certain discussions evolve into heated arguments, even though deep down both of you want the same thing.

You can’t seem to agree on how to approach the matter being discussed; why can’t your partner agree with your rules, your way of doing things?

That’s exactly the problem: setting rules. By definition, rules are terms of the agreement between two parties which HAVE to be followed, with zero degrees of flexibility, for the relationship between the two parties to remain stable.

While a society cannot function without some basic rules, a relationship is a far delicate matter to be constricted by laws.

What you need to do focus on instead is the forventningsafstemning grundlæggende værdier (expectation of basic values), not the expectation of rules being followed. You have to focus on what you want, what you BOTH want, from the relationship, instead of arguing about whose way is the right way.

Setting up a forventningsafstemning grundlæggende værdier (expectation of basic values) will do wonders for your relationship. For one, in place of strict, inflexible rules you have basic, shared values to help guide you and your partner in your relationship.

So, instead of being cold and stiff when following rules, you feel more relaxed having agreed upon your goals, with your goals only guiding you, not dictate you. Agreeing on values is also easier, since you and your partner only want the same thing, and life becomes easier with the exclusion of daily arguments with your partner.

However, the most important thing to remember when setting up a forventningsafstemning grundlæggende værdier (expectation of basic values) is to ensure agreement between any values you set. And the only way to do this is to communicate. You need to sit your partner down and discuss with him/her what you want from your relationship, both now and in the future.

Grab a pen and piece of paper, list down all your values in order of priority, have your partner do the same and then swap your lists. Doing so will let you know exactly what your partner is looking for in this relationship, and how you two are on the same page.

And when it comes down to setting values, pick only the ones you have in common; if you want to make this relationship work, then it’s worth sacrificing your priorities.